Thursday, April 20, 2006

Spring is here! No, wait....


My beloved crap factory


The snow is finally melting here in AK and it is beautiful. There are some things, however, that I didn't consider when I moved here...like the sheer capacity of crap that one dog can produce in one winter. It wasn't a big deal when the snow was on the ground because I couldn't see it, and if I can't see it, it's not there. Now I have turds in the yard that look easy to remove but nay, nay as those simple turds are frozen to the ground and nothing short of a jackhammer could shake those things loose. As it stands now I have three bags of shit in my back yard...you didn't think I was going to put them in the trash can did you? Dear god, you people are disgusting.

I went out, with the kids in tow, and purchased one of those nifty little "pooper scooper" deals just to come home and see the guy living behind us using a construction site quality shovel. I guess the bulldozer was a tight fit. I mentioned to him that he could come over and start in my yard when he was done and he just replied that he had "plenty of fun" in his yard. I'm pretty sure he wanted to shoot me. They have a service here where you pay a certain amount and they come out a clean all the crap out of your yard. This, I'm thinking, is a family owned business because I can't imagine anyone actually applying for such fun outside work. If you do work there, you don't tell your friends about it...at least you wouldn't tell my friends about it. Your life would be so friggin' over.

I still have poop to get. It has been raining outside. That pooper scooper is going to rust because I'm gonna need a ladel.

Another phenomenon I've seen is people raking their yards. All the grass is dead, there are no leaves but yet they rake away! I think we're supposed to rake away all he dead grass (I guess to expose the mud underneath) and we're supposed to rake the dead yard to clear out all of the gravel left behind by the melting snow and ice that the city of Anchorage was nice enough to throw back in our yards. All I know is that if I try to mow with those rocks in the yard the neighbors best be ready to dodge the equivalent of machine gun fire.

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