Thursday, August 11, 2005

Hmmm, Krypt Kiddies. WTF???!!!!

So I'm looking through the internet the other day and I happened upon this link to these dolls called Krypt Kiddies. Dear sweet Lord has anyone else seen these things? I clicked one of the pictures to enlarge, because I'm smart like that, and spit a mouthful of water on the monitor. I immediately turned on the light in the computer room because I certainly didn't want to be in the dark alone with a picture of that thing.

Lemme give you some background here. I hate dolls. I played with trucks and such when I was a child...I'm sure my parents thought I was going to be different, but whatever. The thing that made me scared of dolls was the this movie made up of three different stories called "Trilogy of Terror" made back in 1975. The segment that did me in was about a woman, played by Karen Black, who has this tribal doll that comes to life and tries to kill her. I am aware that this is a pretty benign plot by todays standards but when you're six, well, it's a real clencher! What's even worse than the doll is the way the main character totally lost it and ended up being scarier than the doll. At any moment you expect the doll to stop, take one look at her and say "Okay lady, you win". That movie scarred me for life and if you think I am the only one just look at the IMDB message board for that movie and you'll see what I'm talking about. Oh, and when people find out about the doll thing, well, you can just imagine. I told my friend Juli about my fear and she taped a knife in a dolls hand and stood it up on the stairs that led up to the second floor of her house. Juli is a funny girl. I like her.

In light of my new "Krypt Kiddies" discovery the dolls I was afraid of then seem like little angels on a Hallmark card compared to these demon spawn. Wanna make matters worse? They have one that's just as grotesque...and it's a CLOWN. Believe me, the clown story is a post all it's own.

The fun doesn't end there my friends, not by a long shot. Years later I got married had children, a boy and a girl. Well Evan, she loved her some monster trucks and cars, etc. until one day we were whippin' through the store in some sort of frenzy and I mistakenly turned down the "PINK AISLE". If any of you have girls then you know what I am talking about, don't deny it. I started backing out of that aisle like a dog when it realizes it's about to run off a cliff but it was too late. Much, much too late. Now she has Barbie, and dolls my dad sent her (who's side are you on anyway?), and dolls my husband got her (because his sense of humor is just out of control), and coupons for dolls, and dreams of new dolls. My sister-in-law even collects those porcelain faced dolls and was nice enough to tell me that if anything ever happens to her my daughter gets the dolls. I go to great lengths to make sure nothing happens to her.

Thank you Krypt Kiddies! Thanks a friggin' lot.

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