Tuesday, July 26, 2005

News....for what it's worth.

I read something online that just bugged the crap out of me.

In Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania a fallen Marine was laid to rest after succumbing to injuries that he received while fighting in Iraq. The Lt. Governor of Pennsylvania, Catherine Baker Knoll, showed up at the funeral UNINVITED and proceeded to hand out business cards to people and tell everyone, including the marines aunt, that "our government" was opposed to the war. Then she started mugging it up for the cameras but had little to say to the family.

I don't know how anyone else would feel about it but I think her doing that is some dark, dark shit. You're risking your life to wake me up in the morning and tell me you love me (not that that would ever happen to me) but show up 1) uninvited and 2) God forbid start campaigning at a loved ones funeral, and you have just signed off on a ass whipping (or as we'd say it back home - whuppin'). Come time for the next election, dear Lt. Governor, the ballot may not be your friend. I'm not a political person but I'm pretty sure you're f'cked.

I think it is terrible that those Scout masters were killed at the Boy Scout Jamboree in northern Virginia and my condolences got out to their families. I'm sure a lot of people are thinking "How did that happen? They are Scout masters?" In their defense most of them were from Alaska. When do you honestly think was the last time those guys put up a tent near a power line in ALASKA?

One thing that I have learned from the news is not to ever, ever, ever, f'ing ever run in a London subway. Evidently they take that running in the subway stuff really seriously.

That kind of activity made me appreciate the fact that getting caught running in the halls at school would get you a slip of paper from the geeky hall monitor. I mean, not that I ever ran in school because there was absolutely nowhere in that building I was in a hurry to get to.

NASA, after 2.5 years, finally launched the Discovery. Now they are examining all of the debris that fell off during lift-off. How would you like to be the guy that tells the crew, "Great lift off guys! Now we're going to go sweep up all the stuff that fell off of the shuttle when ya'll left. See you when you get back and enjoy those packets of Tang!" If that won't get the pucker factor going then I don't know what will.

Okay, I swear this is true. A 19 year-old drunk Amish teen in Ohio was arrested for stealing flower pots and house numbers. What led to his arrest you ask? Okay, I'll tell you. People were calling and complaining about loud music coming from a buggy.

*Awkward silence....and que the crickets*.

Yeah, that's what I thought. You think he's be stealing something like, oh I don't know, cable....or electricity. I don't even want to know what kind of trouble that kid got into with his family. Oh hell who am I kidding, yeah I do.

Man was killed by a falling cow.

(When you go cow tipping you push them AWAY from you.)

A 62 year-old woman who was pissed about being searched by an airport screener pushed the screener against the wall and grabbed her breasts. If convicted she faces up to a year in prison and a $100,000 fine.

A year in prison? Lucky for her she can grab all the boobies she wants.

Lucky for anyone reading this I probably won't comment on the news anymore...because I think it's stupid. I should have stopped a long time ago but I couldn't stop typing. Weird how that happens.


At 5:39 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't know, Shannon - if your readers are lucky, you WILL continue with the news. This is your best entry!




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